Bestiary of Foreigners

China is a country that attracts foreigners a lot and attracts more and more of them these days. I mean, hey, I'm here for a reason. People in the Wudaokou area of Beijing will certainly not be surprised to see a Westerner anymore.
In China, though, there are a number of kinds or "subtypes" of foreigners. Let me explain. In Russia, e.g., there are about two kinds of foreigners: mainly the one that speaks Russian and the one that doesn't (and maybe the occasional language student).
Now, in China there are degrees. First, there's the clueless, the tourist - you see them stand in front of signs for extended periods of time trying to match the writing with that in their guide book or note. I guess, to be fair, that's how we all start. Occasionally, you also get the stubbornly clueless - often from English-speaking countries. "Why don't they just speak English?"
Then you have your average language student, who speaks and reads some Chinese and is very proud of it, too. They will, on occasion, be very eager to help translate for lesser types to show off their skills at mastering this difficult language. (somehow I have a feeling this is where I fit in the food chain)
Then there's the proficient language student who speaks and reads fluently - to the great amazement of locals and annoyance of the average student: "why does he get all the attention?"
There's the language teacher - again often from English-speaking countries. This subtype is often very apologetic about their apparent lack of improvement when it comes to learning Chinese: "if I only had more time..." An interesting variant of this one is the teacher from non-standard English backgrounds - be it from "Austroilia" or "Fronce". Makes you on one side pity their poor students (I once had a conversation with a New Zealand teacher who I could hardly understand). On the other hand you wonder if this will result in Chinese people speaking English with an Irish brogue or slight Tsherman aktsent. That would certainly be exotic!
Finally, there's the "I live and breathe China" type. It's not that common but once in a while there's a sighting - like with the Yeti. It's usually a mutation of the above types after staying in China for a prolonged time. Their language proficiency varies. They do commonly have a Chinese name and are proud of it - so proud that they may even choose to forget their real name (this has happened: "what's your English name?" - "没有" [I don't have one]). They will readily (requested or not) dispense insights into this mystical country and its culture that their long sojourn has allowed them to gain. Toward other Westerners they will try to act as Chinese as possible and relentlessly support their new chosen home. Somehow I get the impression that if they didn't continue to stay here they would be completely unfit to return to the rest of the world. I hope I never enter on that dark path or forever will it dominate my destiny.