Ups and Downs in Qingdao

Train K208 Qingdao to Taian

On the first day I missed Vero terribly. I could hardy take it. I wanted to cry, to scream or at least be alone but there was nowhere private enough - that's the big disadvantage about China: if you want a moment alone it's almost impossible. I went for a long walk, tried to enjoy the fair weather but where ever I turned things reminded me of her. I ended up at an old, German-built Protestant church and after sitting down found myself praying. This was the first time in a long while - maybe ever - that I had done this. This time, all the pain, all the longing went into that prayer. I asked God to take good care of her, take make her happy. And even though I dared not consciously ask for it - I'm not a good Christian, after all - deep down was the plea to do the same for me. And I cried - probably the first time in my life I really meant it. Quietly I confessed all the mistakes I had made and asked for forgiveness - not happiness, just to be forgiven. I actually felt a bit better after this, so I continued my walk. Then, later, a ticket booth for boat cruises was playing Richard Marx's Right Here Waiting, a song she used to sing at karaoke. I stayed, listened to the whole thing and felt miserable like never before. The song and my fatigue (I get emotional when I'm tired) had me in tears again.
In the evening, after a lot of restless pacing I decided something had to be done. I had to get among people. Being alone would not help, probably just make me feel worse. So, I sent a message to my couchsurfing contact in Qingdao. She was not available but two friends, she told me, were going to Laoshan (a mountain near the city) the next day and would I like to go along. I hadn't intended to go there but I made up my mind it would be good for me. One of the friends, Erin, turned out to be the girl I'm hoping to stay with in Kaifeng later, so it was a good chance to get acquainted.
The next day the weather turned bad. I actually woke up very early and found it raining heavily outside. Add to that a strong gale. Cold and nasty weather after almost summerly days in Beijing. Laoshan was canceled. In the end we decided to head to the Tsingtao Beer Museum. The two girls were in good spirits despite the weather and even though we headed to the wrong place initially. They were giggling, cracking jokes and that (and a good night's rest) lifted my mood a bit. It turned out that Meredith, the other one of the girls, was even staying at the same hostel as me. Thus chatting we followed the history of Tsingtao beer and even got a free taster of a special cloudy Tsingtao which doesn't have (what I think are) preservatives, so you can only keep it a single day. After lunch we went back for some more beer sampling. At first, we ordered from the bar's menu and paid. Only later we noticed that other people just showed their ticket and seemed to be served beer. We asked the waiter - was it for free? Did we have a ticket? We presented it. Well, why didn't we say so before? Three tickets received a free 1.25 liter pitcher. Cool! The girls were shocked, they had already had enough after the first round. Still, I couldn't possibly let that much beer go to waste. I'm German after all. So, I just finished the pitcher mostly by myself. Buurp! Then, since it was still raining, there was nothing to do but make our way back to the hostel and sleep it off.
In the evening I ended up having a long talk with Meredith - after we both had sobered up a bit. Her ex-boyfriend had been German and she still missed him a lot. He seemed to be a strange type: she would once describe him as stern and distant, then as warm and loving. But she loved him nonetheless because she said he was a very good person. She actually talked about him endlessly. At the same time, I tried to tell her of the painful, longing thoughts that still held my mind. I wonder how much either of us really listened. We badly needed to talk.
The next day it was still stormy and rainy, a weather that strongly reminded me of the North Sea (was that how Germans chose their concession in China?). Me and Meredith wanted to see St. Michael's Church but it was closed - it was receiving a new wind organ from Germany. First the train station, now the church: closed for refurbishment. Maybe it's not so good after all traveling China before the Olympics. After that me and her went separate ways. She has a tourist guide pass and so doesn't need to buy a ticket anywhere. She can afford to go into any expensive attraction just for the heck of it but I didn't want to pay for all the tickets. I decided to give the beach a try - I ought to be tough after years in the UK and not mind walking in the wind and rain. At Bathing Beach No. 1 I already gave up. It was too much. It wasn't letting up. I was drenched. This was no fun. I turned back.
That evening came the second hard blow this week. I connected my USB hard disk at an internet bar to copy across some photos from my camera. At first, everything seemed fine, I could see my files and folders. Then suddenly an error popped up and disappeared, and with it so did my files and folders. I spent the rest of the evening frantically trying to connect the drive to various computers - without success. The assistant at the net bar tried to help me with a lot of things but had to give up in the end. It's no use, he commented, it's broken. My blood went cold. There are thousands of photos on that disk! Everything I have taken on this trip so far. Photos of friends, everyone I had known in Beijing and places before that. I was devastated, didn't know whether to cry or to scream. It had to have been that damn moisture from the rain. I had been so stupid! It had been in my bag all the time when that got soaked. Finally, the assistant at the hostel told me her friend said it should be repairable. If the fault was not too serious. That has given me some hope. Maybe, maybe there's chance to get everything back: my photos, my new Chinese music. At least, the drive is still recognised, just cannot be accessed. I hope that means it's just a software error, boot sector fault maybe, not a mechanical problem. Hope...
That final evening I tried to drown my sorrow in some special Tsingtao brew I had bought. It worked at least a bit - after two bottles the loss of my disk didn't seem that bad anymore. I met Chrystal and Jen, two Chinese girls learning English. We decided to visit Zhongshan Park together the next day.
The next (and final) day in Qingdao (I had already extended my stay by a day) the weather finally cleared up. I already thought my luck was improving when I tried to get money at the ATM. And failed. I was running out, so it was urgent. The girls waited patiently while I tried to resolve the matter. The answer: They hadn't filled the ATM yet. I almost thought they were joking. Was this a bank of not? Bank of China no less. At least, it wasn't my card's problem. That was a big weight off mz chest. At a different bank it finally worked. So, the day could begin, after all.
As the weather in Qingdao is clearing and the forecast for Taishan, my next destination, is clear, too, maybe my luck is improving. After these few days here it certainly can't get much worse. Still, as I leave Qingdao there's again the vague pain that I'm leaving new friends (even though they may only really be acquaintances) and that every next destination is taking me further away from Beijing and the girl I've realised I need so much. I begin to hope again that we can work something out. There must be a way. If my luck is getting better maybe that's a good sign. Let's try and be optimistic here.
Don't forget: learn from mistakes, make the best of what I have and don't be stupid. As Yorlin said, I may never get such an opportunity again, so I should enjoy the journey of my life.