Pussy Acrobatics

Bangkok, Thailand

It's a horrible stereotype. How did I slip into it? Well, I guess it's almost unavoidable. Similar to Amsterdam Bangkok has a reputation for sex shows. I'm even having my nose rubbed in it (figuratively speaking). The home of my friend here is practically next to one of the famous red light districts - if you can call it that. Walk home on the wrong side of the street and dodgy guys will sidle up and offer you porn DVDs, special massages or "ping pong shows". Now, my friend being a local had already explained to me that a ping pong show had nothing to do with table tennis. Rather it was a demonstration of an unusual way for a girl to shoot a ping pong ball from an unusual place. I'll leave the rest to be filled in by imagination.
I bravely resisted temptation and curiosity for days before I gave in.
The place was a bit dodgy, as expected, and had the expected dodgy, foreign patrons. Now I was one, too. The moment you sit down the working girls decend on you for tips. You're a walking wallet in there. Had I forgotten Amsterdam?
There's a difference, though. While sex shows in the Dutch capital are probably best described as "porky on stage" this was more like "pussy acrobatics". It was very creative in a way. The girls could blow out candles, shoot ping pong balls and even darts across the room. Acurately, too. They could hit and pop a balloon several meters away. And they could paint. Guess which part of the female body the above portrait of me was done with. Go ahead. Make a guess.
So I spent the evening having a few (over-priced) drinks and handing out tips. You end up having your arm always curled around one of the almost naked girls and generally feel like a pimp. They even tried to drag me off to the even shadier backrooms for some private time and were surprised to find that I resisted. The old matron at the backdoor gave me a look that suggested she doubted my sanity - or sexual orientation. Doesn't seem to happen often.
Eventually, it grew late, I had spent an embarrassing amount of money and the place closed. Another stage of my journey I can tick off.

• Watch Ping Pong Show in Bangkok: ☑